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“It’s better to regret something you did than to regret something that you didn’t do.”

 Last night, I finally mustered the courage to read the myriad of text messages that has become stagnant on my cellphone and that is only after 3 days of being freaked out whenever my cellphone vibrates to inform me that either someone is calling me or someone has sent me a message.  Initially I thought that after I said what I needed to say last Sunday, I was prepared fo the consequences of my action but it turns out that it was more nerve wracking than what I thought it would be to a point that I was tormented every time my room resounded with the buzzing sound of that accursed device.

It’s Thursday already. 

I was indeed afraid, really afraid, one can call it phobia I guess -an irrational fear of being rejected. I guess the feeling is amplified further since I have been alienated from this feeling no thanks to how my personality has evolved for the past year or so. Even though I said to myself that I was prepared for it making use of apathy as a buffer, still, for the past 2 days I was not able to find the courage to input the password on my cellphone’s ‘Messages’ menu so that I can read the Inbox of my cellphone. There lies an uncertainity within myself, a clash of thoughts as if the fight or flight mechanism of my body will be unable to resolve the resulting confusion if the response that I receive is wayward from what I am expecting it to be.

I finally entered the password. With each press of a key, a voice seems to echo from the silent corner of my unlit room telling me to not to press the next key but the voice faded fainter and fainter until it became silent when I reach the final ‘Ok’ to confirm my password.

And then there it was, buried amongst the heap of text messages and missed calls, one message that caught my attention.

I read it…I smiled a little and an array of mixed feelings showered me shortly.

I will not disclose the content of the message for obvious reasons but the small talks that both of us had last Sunday gave me a glimpse of what I should expect and thankfully it was beyond what I expect it to be. I am happy. I am quite aware of the situation that I had myself into so I can say that I fully understand both of our situation. 

The only thing I need to do is to remain steadfast and be firm. “Selfishness will result to nothing,” that’s one of the motto that I have in life. 

I guess that’s it for this post and, damn, I never imagine I can write something like this >___< Anyway, what’s done is done! It’s a beautiful world…

I missed this view
I missed this view.

Curiosity really kills the cat.

Well yeah, so yesterday I visited my old high school which I had never visited for ages now. I only visited it yesterday because of a mysterious e-mail sent to the alumni asking us to gather this Sunday for some vague prupose – and I only learned of this gathering a day before when my friend Vic asked me if I have received the e-mail which I have not because, heck, why would I give my school my e-mail address anyway. So being the bored and curious person that I am, I heed the call since I have nothing to do anyway but it turned out into a WTH?!-what-am-I-doing-here affair of some sort.

Here is the e-mail by the way and my comments are italicized.

WHAT: General Assembly DEKADA Event Read the rest of this entry »

Maybe because I only had 3 hours of sleep yesterday that is why I was feeling really horrible last night while playing DotA even though it was just 11. Usually, I go on to play until 3 in the morning during my day off but i was feeling extremely drowsy, my headache was terrible and I feel nauseated that I had to call it quits at the stroke of midnight. When I got home, I only bothered to check my downloads and then got immediately to sleep.  I think I really did lack sleep since I woke up this morning refreshed as if the ordeal last night did not happened.

Anyway, going about my daily routine which includes checking the anime blogosphere, I stumbled about these wonderful AMVs from Mainichi Anime Yume some of which really got to my sentimental side.

Beautiful Day by Funky-kun

World’s Unbroken by Sierra Lorna & silver moon

You know you have watched a lot anime series if you can tell the references for the first video. Like the author of the blog where I got these videos, I believe even non-anime viewer can appreciate the first video since it was superbly composed befitting of U2’s Beautiful Day. I think the effect is amplified further when you know the references because if you know which anime series the clips where taken from, you most probably know the stories behind those series; And most of the anime series used on the first video are probably the most touching series out there (AIR, ef ~ a Tale of Memory/Melodies~ and Makoto Shinkai’s movies). This video made me all warm inside and made me yearn to watch those series again but the second video really made me want to cry, well ‘almost’ cry again.

AIR. The second video is about the series AIR. It doesn’t do the series justice if I where to describe it since the best way to describe how great AIR was to view all 13 episodes of it. As far as I can remember, AIR was the first series that touched my sentimental side – I had to suppress the tears while watching the series since it’s not really a pleasant sight to see a male high school student crying.

That’s it for now. Agenda for the day is RF Online – power level and PT Grinding mode.

One good thing about my house is that you still get to enjoy a refreshing cool breeze to blow away all the uncomfortable sticky feeling as if the hot, humid afternoon never existed. I live on a hill which I could say has a pretty good view of the town on the foot of the hill – on one side is an overlooking view of Angono (known as the Art Capital of the Philippines and is the town on the foot of the hill that I am living at) and Laguna Lake, and on the other side, a luscious sight of greenery to calm one’s senses. It’s a good retreat especially for someone like me who does a stressful job on a stressful environment. The silent streets  during the afternoon, a time when I usually get my rest, provides a sense of tranquility to dispel all the worldly problems and acts as a mode of escape from the noise of the city.

Once in a while, I do climb up the hill for a change of scenery since it’s kind of a different world out there, very different from the towering buildings of the metro, a world where you can still hear the pleasant chirping of birds and not the irksome hum of engines and machinery; a world where you can still take in a very deep breath without worrying about any choking fumes that can bring you down to your knees; a world where you can just forget about the passage of time and a place where time can just stand still.

Anyway, that’s it for now, two more days to go before the most anticipated rest day. Time to prepare.

Well yeah, I’m still alive and just now I decided to re-animate this blog after a long hiatus and, yeah, a lot has happened ever since the latest post of this blog which was posted at the end of the first quarter of this year and look at now, it’s almost the end of the third quarter. Time sure does fly when you are having fun….or doing nothing at all.

As I’ve said, a lot of major thing really happened these months that I haven’t been posting. I’m currently on a leave of absence from college to take a break from my studies since, to be honest, repeating two years of college (I shifted to BS Computer Science from BS Electronics and Communications Engineering and Don Bosco never credited my two years of being an engineering student in Ateneo de Manila) really did burnt me out and I needed a little break from all these studying. Another major factor for this decision, and a thing I’ve only kept to myself for the longest time now, maybe as a way to preserve the image that I have and maybe a way to protect myself because I’m not the type of person to go about telling people about my problems, is that things are not going really well at home. It’s a really depressing matter which I do not want to discuss right now but basically the lesson here is that there are some things that are difficult to heal if it is possible to heal it at all.

Anyways, enough of that matter, right now I manage to land a job as a Technical Support Representative on one of the call centers near my home and now currently on my third month on my first job. It’s a good-paying and a generally fun job too for a student like me who is on leave of absence while I’m waiting for things to settle down. You get to interact with all sorts of people ranging from the enthusiastic caller who understands the scope of our job to the not-to-tech savvy callers, usually old people, who needs setp-by-step instruction on performing the basics (they only use their computer to read and send e-mail), and to the irate ones who most of the time is irrational and doesn’t know what we can and what we cannot do as a technical support agent ( ).  I said fun but it gets kind of toxic at times especially when you are not in the mood but you need to keep your composure. Right now I’m having a hard time just staying awake when it hits 4 in the morning, and my shift ends at 9.

I think that’s it for now, maybe this time I’ll try posting an entry a day just to keep me from boredom since I really don’t have much to do at home other than browsing the net for all sort of stuff ranging from news of the deteriorating situation between Georgia and Russia to the really weird one like Octopus (yeah, the cephalopod) usage in pron in Japan (I was like, what the heck was that, when I read that one)…*ehem* anyway, I’ll stop right now before I post even more weird stuff here besides my shift starts at 11:45 so I need to prepare.

Well yeah, this post is a nostalgic drive to the year that has pass and to get some ideas I decided to read my former blog in and I realized that the past year wasn’t really that boring after all.

For one there was that 3-week blogging roll which probably gave me the longest and most detailed account of any past time period yet. So it was during that time that I tried to enter the call center business but failed miserably. I still remember how nervous I was during the interview because that was my first job  after all and I ended up having a mental block of some sort screwing everything up.  It was also that time that I had some postvalentine syndrome that forced me to do things, expecting nothing from it, but even so I still ended with a feeling of mixed euphoria and torment.

May was a gloomy time for me and I can’t seem to remember why, but the entries for that time sort of gave me an idea as to why. It was also the time when my occult…err, I mean, perfectly normal friend Vic began reading tarot cards. His first reading for me hit the mark leaving me dumbstruck leaving me the impression that he might be spying on people. May also marked a transition from teens to twenties which really is kind of depressing if you think about it. Oh and there was also that funny accidental drunken stupor when I forgot to check my liquor intake during the swimming.

After May, there has been a few entries most of them involving those inane synchronicity about incidents and things that stupidly happens at the right place at the right time as if someone out there is playing with my life.

To sum it all up, last year was still a pretty uneventful year, I’ve had more fun years in the past but I guess this is the inevitability of aging. I strongly hope that this year would be something more fun than last year. Vacation ends Thursday so I guess it’s time to brush up my studying skills to prepare for that time.

Happy New Year to All.

July 2018
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