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“It’s better to regret something you did than to regret something that you didn’t do.”

 Last night, I finally mustered the courage to read the myriad of text messages that has become stagnant on my cellphone and that is only after 3 days of being freaked out whenever my cellphone vibrates to inform me that either someone is calling me or someone has sent me a message.  Initially I thought that after I said what I needed to say last Sunday, I was prepared fo the consequences of my action but it turns out that it was more nerve wracking than what I thought it would be to a point that I was tormented every time my room resounded with the buzzing sound of that accursed device.

It’s Thursday already. 

I was indeed afraid, really afraid, one can call it phobia I guess -an irrational fear of being rejected. I guess the feeling is amplified further since I have been alienated from this feeling no thanks to how my personality has evolved for the past year or so. Even though I said to myself that I was prepared for it making use of apathy as a buffer, still, for the past 2 days I was not able to find the courage to input the password on my cellphone’s ‘Messages’ menu so that I can read the Inbox of my cellphone. There lies an uncertainity within myself, a clash of thoughts as if the fight or flight mechanism of my body will be unable to resolve the resulting confusion if the response that I receive is wayward from what I am expecting it to be.

I finally entered the password. With each press of a key, a voice seems to echo from the silent corner of my unlit room telling me to not to press the next key but the voice faded fainter and fainter until it became silent when I reach the final ‘Ok’ to confirm my password.

And then there it was, buried amongst the heap of text messages and missed calls, one message that caught my attention.

I read it…I smiled a little and an array of mixed feelings showered me shortly.

I will not disclose the content of the message for obvious reasons but the small talks that both of us had last Sunday gave me a glimpse of what I should expect and thankfully it was beyond what I expect it to be. I am happy. I am quite aware of the situation that I had myself into so I can say that I fully understand both of our situation. 

The only thing I need to do is to remain steadfast and be firm. “Selfishness will result to nothing,” that’s one of the motto that I have in life. 

I guess that’s it for this post and, damn, I never imagine I can write something like this >___< Anyway, what’s done is done! It’s a beautiful world…

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