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Exhausted. That’s the best way to describe how I have been feeling for the past few weeks. All the stress that has been building up inside of me is finally taking its toll on my sanity that’s why I decided to just stop and take this time to contemplate about what path I want my life to take.

I decided to quit my job, the source of all this frustration, and this is after taking into consideration whether or not I will have a future on that line of work. I guess I saw this one coming from a far way off but, being the curious being that I am, I decided to wage through it and see how far I can go until I reach the critical point. I realized that customer service is really not my line of specialty which is really about telling the right lie at the most appropriate time – something that I am really bad at. How I ended up in this predicament is even more surprising considering the fact that I applied for something that is supposed to be centered on the technical aspects of things.

I’ll be looking for a new job this week which is more aligned to the course I’m taking up which Computer Science. I was actually surprised to find out that there are a lot of openings related to the web such as web developers and designers. If I had know earlier, I would have tried my luck applying at those.

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16_05_76---Rain_web  After several weeks of dry, sunny summer weather, the wet, rainy summer days are back which is something that I both like and hate. I like it because for a hot tropical country like the Philippines, anything that can lower the temperature to comfortable level is very much welcomed especially with all the fuzz about Global Warming. It’s weird actually for the Philippines to be experiencing such wet condition as early as April but I guess this is an indication that climatic change is slowly but surely starting to make itself prominent. On the other hand, what I hate about the rain is not really some physical phenomenon that can be described by physics but something metaphysical and is more about the experiences that I unknowingly related to the downpour. I’d prefer not to discuss those things because first of all, it’ll only dampen my mood more and, secondly, the first point of this post is simply to state the fact that it is raining again here – damn.

It has been almost 3 weeks since I applied at Teletech again and I’m still waiting for their call. I should have been working now if not for a discrepancy with my medical result particularly with the X-Ray result that somehow exhibited signs for possible tuberculosis. I had to take another X-Ray but not in time for the cut-off. So here I am bumming around waiting for their job offer wasting my time in front of the computer because I really can’t leave my house.

So what have I’ve been doing? Nothing. I was playing RF Online but I got fed up with it because RF Online doesn’t seem to want me to attain level 50. My character never exceeds the 60% experience mark so I decided to just take a break from it and focus on other things.

web_banner3 I have been blog hopping a lot these past few days and, with Vic’s referral, I manage to end up frequenting Hay! Men! Ang blog ng mga tunay na lalake. It’s a funny blog kung sino nga ba ang tunay na lalake at kung sino nga ba ang hindi. It doesn’t care whether you are a he, a she or an it but as long as you possess the quality ng isang tunay na lalake as stated by the Manifesto ng Tunay na Lalake, then you’ll be proudly branded as isang tunay na lalake. There are a lot of interesting entries that’ll sate your hunger for humor. I’m recommending this blog to everyone.

sketch_finalI also began practicing my drawing skills again because I really don’t have anything to do. I started out with a fan-art of Mio from the series  K-ON! which I plan to digitalize and use on my Plurk page. Hopefully by next week it’ll be finished. The final draft is on the right. 

I guess that’s it for this post. I’m still figuring out how the hell do I use this Windows Live software that I downloaded yesterday.

Warning: This post contains words and phrases that might be alien to people who doesn’t play the Warcraft custom map, Defense of the Ancients (DotA). Please read at your discretion. 

One of the greatest thing about DotA is that since it has become a competitive game, every little bit of details matter: The creep block at the start of the game; the creep denies to gain experience advantage; the last hits to gain economic advantage, the right timing in getting the rune to increase battle efficacy; juking the opponents into an ambush etc. There are just too many of them to list but all of these things matters in order to achieve victory. But when things get out of hands, this is where things get funny. 

Last night we had another fun game of DotA. Actually, funny is the appropriate word to use since the game last night probably featured the most number of memorable moves contained in just one game of DotA. 

Personally knowing the people that you are playing with is one of the things that is difficult to achieve with online games. If you know personally those people, you’ll know their strengths and weaknesses and you can either take advantage of it or put you at a disadvantage if you are not careful.

I have a friend who can be called a seasonal expert. He plays well but when it’s not his day, he does pretty entertaining things…and last night turns out to be one of those days.

Seeing as we had sufficient players, we decided to proceed with a full house LAN game.  We dropped the usual -apsp mode and just go on manually balancing the teams because it would be difficult to achieve balance due to how varied the skills of the people playing are. After the teams were finalized, I was assigned to the Scourge team. My teammates chose Naga Siren, Silencer, Witch Doctor, and Drow Ranger while I decided on Bradwarden, The Centaur Warchief, because of our team’s lack of a tank. The Sentinels chose Priestess of the Moon, Treant Protector, Lightning Revenant, Dwarven Sniper and, to much of his teams dismay, yuu chose Akasha, the Queen of Pain. The reason for his teams dismay is that he has never won a game using QoP and in all the games that he has used QoP, to put it simply, it was epic fail. 

The game opening was standard. I opted for the Dagger build to initiate the clash as well as for chasing purpose since the enemy has two blinkers. It was during mid-game when it got entertaining. 

The first major blooper was when top lane was being pushed by Mirana with me as the lone defender. The first tower was down and I was defending the second tower. I am aware that I will be ganked anytime soon but I stood my ground; I have confidence on my Dagger of Escape. As I was about to retreat to the safety of my tower after the Scourge creep wave has been quickly taken care of thanks to Mirana’s Starfall, I saw movement from near the bottom part of our second tower. It was Akasha running right straight to me as if the second tower doesn’t exist! I thought that it was an illusion but to my and everyone’s surprise, Akasha blinked, blinked right beside my hero and Shadow Striked my hero, a Centaur Warchief! I quickly press the “t” key to cast Stomp. It was a long 2.75 seconds. Mixed reactions resounded from the shop during that time period as my hero, with the help of the second Scourge tower, hacked the stupefied Akasha.

Alas, this is actually a long due post and because of the length of time, I forgot what happened next. 

Original draft date: December 3, 2008.

 This is the second time I am posting from the office and I’m posting this while I am waiting for my turn to do a call simulation which is a requirement for our training on my new job. One of the things that I like with my new job is that the computers here has access to the internet unlike the workstations from my previous employer where we had to perform some “tricks” to go around the system in order to access the net. No more proxies, just straight to the website that you want to access. 

Earlier today, we listened to recordings of agents who are already on the floor and I can say that it’s a relatively easy job as compared to my previous job where we almost all of the time burn our brains out answering mind boggling questions like “How do I restart my computer?” or “How do I turn off my modem?” On my current job, all we have to do is to take in orders from customer who has a catalog for reference. I think the only problem that I foresee with my new job is that the average handling time for it is around 4 minutes which equates to about 70 calls a day compared to an average of 25 from my previous job and repeating the same task over 70 times a day can be toxic.

Anyway, it’s almost my turn so I need to cut this entry short.

“It’s better to regret something you did than to regret something that you didn’t do.”

 Last night, I finally mustered the courage to read the myriad of text messages that has become stagnant on my cellphone and that is only after 3 days of being freaked out whenever my cellphone vibrates to inform me that either someone is calling me or someone has sent me a message.  Initially I thought that after I said what I needed to say last Sunday, I was prepared fo the consequences of my action but it turns out that it was more nerve wracking than what I thought it would be to a point that I was tormented every time my room resounded with the buzzing sound of that accursed device.

It’s Thursday already. 

I was indeed afraid, really afraid, one can call it phobia I guess -an irrational fear of being rejected. I guess the feeling is amplified further since I have been alienated from this feeling no thanks to how my personality has evolved for the past year or so. Even though I said to myself that I was prepared for it making use of apathy as a buffer, still, for the past 2 days I was not able to find the courage to input the password on my cellphone’s ‘Messages’ menu so that I can read the Inbox of my cellphone. There lies an uncertainity within myself, a clash of thoughts as if the fight or flight mechanism of my body will be unable to resolve the resulting confusion if the response that I receive is wayward from what I am expecting it to be.

I finally entered the password. With each press of a key, a voice seems to echo from the silent corner of my unlit room telling me to not to press the next key but the voice faded fainter and fainter until it became silent when I reach the final ‘Ok’ to confirm my password.

And then there it was, buried amongst the heap of text messages and missed calls, one message that caught my attention.

I read it…I smiled a little and an array of mixed feelings showered me shortly.

I will not disclose the content of the message for obvious reasons but the small talks that both of us had last Sunday gave me a glimpse of what I should expect and thankfully it was beyond what I expect it to be. I am happy. I am quite aware of the situation that I had myself into so I can say that I fully understand both of our situation. 

The only thing I need to do is to remain steadfast and be firm. “Selfishness will result to nothing,” that’s one of the motto that I have in life. 

I guess that’s it for this post and, damn, I never imagine I can write something like this >___< Anyway, what’s done is done! It’s a beautiful world…

My Yahoo Messenger won’t allow me to make my deviantArt page the link of my status message. Anyway, I’ll just post sketch number 2 of my 1 year long quest:

sk_tr_01.jpg.

Anyways, another boring day. Speaking of the New Year, I still am too afraid to open my cellphone. I still haven’t read any messages since the New Year. Maybe I’ll write about it later just to relieve me of this tension.

Out of habit

This’ll be the third time I’m moving my blog and it’s about time I realize that I’m bad at keeping promises even to myself so I’m not going to lie to myself anymore and say things like, “this time I’ll  definitely get seriously with this blog” or something because I know somewhere down the line I’ll just looks pathetic.

Well anyway, I decided to move to wordpress from i.ph as well as renaming my blog from the difficult to remember “inane synchronicity” to something simpler like “transient euphoria” I also decided to change the Blog Title from “inane synchronicity” to “euphoric field” just for a change. Lately I’ve been purging a lot of things which I feel is binding me to the past preventing me to move on to the future.

That’s it for this obligatory first post, this blog needs a bit more of a clean-up.

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