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 This is the second time I am posting from the office and I’m posting this while I am waiting for my turn to do a call simulation which is a requirement for our training on my new job. One of the things that I like with my new job is that the computers here has access to the internet unlike the workstations from my previous employer where we had to perform some “tricks” to go around the system in order to access the net. No more proxies, just straight to the website that you want to access. 

Earlier today, we listened to recordings of agents who are already on the floor and I can say that it’s a relatively easy job as compared to my previous job where we almost all of the time burn our brains out answering mind boggling questions like “How do I restart my computer?” or “How do I turn off my modem?” On my current job, all we have to do is to take in orders from customer who has a catalog for reference. I think the only problem that I foresee with my new job is that the average handling time for it is around 4 minutes which equates to about 70 calls a day compared to an average of 25 from my previous job and repeating the same task over 70 times a day can be toxic.

Anyway, it’s almost my turn so I need to cut this entry short.


“It’s better to regret something you did than to regret something that you didn’t do.”

 Last night, I finally mustered the courage to read the myriad of text messages that has become stagnant on my cellphone and that is only after 3 days of being freaked out whenever my cellphone vibrates to inform me that either someone is calling me or someone has sent me a message.  Initially I thought that after I said what I needed to say last Sunday, I was prepared fo the consequences of my action but it turns out that it was more nerve wracking than what I thought it would be to a point that I was tormented every time my room resounded with the buzzing sound of that accursed device.

It’s Thursday already. 

I was indeed afraid, really afraid, one can call it phobia I guess -an irrational fear of being rejected. I guess the feeling is amplified further since I have been alienated from this feeling no thanks to how my personality has evolved for the past year or so. Even though I said to myself that I was prepared for it making use of apathy as a buffer, still, for the past 2 days I was not able to find the courage to input the password on my cellphone’s ‘Messages’ menu so that I can read the Inbox of my cellphone. There lies an uncertainity within myself, a clash of thoughts as if the fight or flight mechanism of my body will be unable to resolve the resulting confusion if the response that I receive is wayward from what I am expecting it to be.

I finally entered the password. With each press of a key, a voice seems to echo from the silent corner of my unlit room telling me to not to press the next key but the voice faded fainter and fainter until it became silent when I reach the final ‘Ok’ to confirm my password.

And then there it was, buried amongst the heap of text messages and missed calls, one message that caught my attention.

I read it…I smiled a little and an array of mixed feelings showered me shortly.

I will not disclose the content of the message for obvious reasons but the small talks that both of us had last Sunday gave me a glimpse of what I should expect and thankfully it was beyond what I expect it to be. I am happy. I am quite aware of the situation that I had myself into so I can say that I fully understand both of our situation. 

The only thing I need to do is to remain steadfast and be firm. “Selfishness will result to nothing,” that’s one of the motto that I have in life. 

I guess that’s it for this post and, damn, I never imagine I can write something like this >___< Anyway, what’s done is done! It’s a beautiful world…

 I’m going off to work tonight without knowing whether I’ll still do the same routine next week. This week will be my 6th month (90th day to be exact) working as a Technical Support Representative for a call center a few kilometer aways from home, my first full-time job, and this is also the week when I’ll know if I’ll be regularized (i.e. continue to work for the company) or not (i.e. go look for another job). It’s not just me who is having this dilemma but a few of my wavemates as well. My wavemates by the way are fun people who I have met last April of this year and might have include one person who might have peeked my interest without me realizing it (thanks to my apathetic personality who has already forgotten those feelings).

Well anyways, going back to what I was saying, this week will be very significant indeed and, funny enough, I don’t feel anxious at all. True, I was anxious to a point of being nerve-wracked for a few days, two weeks ago when our team leader is “supposedly” going to announce who will be in and who will be out via a one-on-one talk but it turns out, that was not definite at all. The anxiety dissipated to a we-don’t-care-anymore attitude especially for us who didn’ get a chance to have a one-on-one talk with our team leader before the papers where sent to our HR department. That’s that!

I guess this is just how I am, a happy-go-lucky person who doesn’t give a heck about what is going on. This is one of the rare traits that I don’t hate myself about because, thanks to this trait, no matter how bad and dire the situation is, the pain from all of it is drastically reduced.

I guess this is really what they call apathy. 

Well yeah, I’m still alive and just now I decided to re-animate this blog after a long hiatus and, yeah, a lot has happened ever since the latest post of this blog which was posted at the end of the first quarter of this year and look at now, it’s almost the end of the third quarter. Time sure does fly when you are having fun….or doing nothing at all.

As I’ve said, a lot of major thing really happened these months that I haven’t been posting. I’m currently on a leave of absence from college to take a break from my studies since, to be honest, repeating two years of college (I shifted to BS Computer Science from BS Electronics and Communications Engineering and Don Bosco never credited my two years of being an engineering student in Ateneo de Manila) really did burnt me out and I needed a little break from all these studying. Another major factor for this decision, and a thing I’ve only kept to myself for the longest time now, maybe as a way to preserve the image that I have and maybe a way to protect myself because I’m not the type of person to go about telling people about my problems, is that things are not going really well at home. It’s a really depressing matter which I do not want to discuss right now but basically the lesson here is that there are some things that are difficult to heal if it is possible to heal it at all.

Anyways, enough of that matter, right now I manage to land a job as a Technical Support Representative on one of the call centers near my home and now currently on my third month on my first job. It’s a good-paying and a generally fun job too for a student like me who is on leave of absence while I’m waiting for things to settle down. You get to interact with all sorts of people ranging from the enthusiastic caller who understands the scope of our job to the not-to-tech savvy callers, usually old people, who needs setp-by-step instruction on performing the basics (they only use their computer to read and send e-mail), and to the irate ones who most of the time is irrational and doesn’t know what we can and what we cannot do as a technical support agent ( ).  I said fun but it gets kind of toxic at times especially when you are not in the mood but you need to keep your composure. Right now I’m having a hard time just staying awake when it hits 4 in the morning, and my shift ends at 9.

I think that’s it for now, maybe this time I’ll try posting an entry a day just to keep me from boredom since I really don’t have much to do at home other than browsing the net for all sort of stuff ranging from news of the deteriorating situation between Georgia and Russia to the really weird one like Octopus (yeah, the cephalopod) usage in pron in Japan (I was like, what the heck was that, when I read that one)…*ehem* anyway, I’ll stop right now before I post even more weird stuff here besides my shift starts at 11:45 so I need to prepare.

July 2018
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