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 I’m going off to work tonight without knowing whether I’ll still do the same routine next week. This week will be my 6th month (90th day to be exact) working as a Technical Support Representative for a call center a few kilometer aways from home, my first full-time job, and this is also the week when I’ll know if I’ll be regularized (i.e. continue to work for the company) or not (i.e. go look for another job). It’s not just me who is having this dilemma but a few of my wavemates as well. My wavemates by the way are fun people who I have met last April of this year and might have include one person who might have peeked my interest without me realizing it (thanks to my apathetic personality who has already forgotten those feelings).

Well anyways, going back to what I was saying, this week will be very significant indeed and, funny enough, I don’t feel anxious at all. True, I was anxious to a point of being nerve-wracked for a few days, two weeks ago when our team leader is “supposedly” going to announce who will be in and who will be out via a one-on-one talk but it turns out, that was not definite at all. The anxiety dissipated to a we-don’t-care-anymore attitude especially for us who didn’ get a chance to have a one-on-one talk with our team leader before the papers where sent to our HR department. That’s that!

I guess this is just how I am, a happy-go-lucky person who doesn’t give a heck about what is going on. This is one of the rare traits that I don’t hate myself about because, thanks to this trait, no matter how bad and dire the situation is, the pain from all of it is drastically reduced.

I guess this is really what they call apathy. 

Looking up the crescent moon as I was walking down the empty streets of our subdivision before daybreak, I once again find myself questioning just where this life of mine is heading to. The gloomy orange lights radiating from the posts lining the quiet streets only serves to dampen the mood even more putting me in a state of temporal melancholy.

I have been slacking off lately. I have been become more or less a delinquent with this attitude of mine. For this, I am beginning to hate myself. The optimism that once fill me is slowly beginning to be corrupted by pessimism. I feel as if my life is going to crash somewhere ahead unless I take a detour but then again, I have been to so many detours but I still end up going the wrong way. I wonder why?

Like the glimmer of twilight, my future looks diffused and I don’t know whether this twilight is from daybreak or sunset. The unclear line that is my future has become even more vague.

Loneliness is indeed my sanctuary, a place where only myself can hurt me. I began to remember why I named this blog that way because a small glint of happiness in this sea of loneliness can turn into a transient euphoria.

Since I spent the entire day sleeping I just decided to rant about something that I had in mind for a long time now. Actually I think it all began during this semester in college. And this is all because of these “sex-crazed idiots.”

So what are they? Well basically they’re people who see sex everywhere. For them all things and situation has a huge “sex” tag accompanying it. They tend to relate everything to sex and will not pass on the opportunity to put sexual reference to just about anything. Green jokes are good when used sparingly like how spices are to food but when there are people that can’t seem to talk without having to put a male genitalia reference, that’s the time it gets irritating.

There are a couple or two of these sex-crazed idiots in one of my classes in college and I guess what made me irate about these people is that how such stupid conversation doesn’t help but only lengthen the time needed to do a task. I mean they pop all sorts of reference when our prof is giving out the instruction and this only serves to lengthen the supposed to be concise instructions. They’re like teens hitting puberty that’s too fascinated about the genitalia that they think its funny; time to grow up dudes.

I guess that’s one of my regrets for failing at Ateneo – people there are more mature and rational and there are less sex-crazed idiot there, if there are any of them there at all. Sorry guys, I will laugh at a long-lasting intelligent joke over a short-term green joke any time.

August 2017
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