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There exist those days when everything just doesn’t seem to go the way I want it to be. I am not a supertitious person but the way things happened and are happening during that particular day, I might as well accept the fact that there are things in this world that can only be blamed to superstition. I always had an inkling premonition whenever one of such days will bother me – a lingering feeling inside of me that tells me that that day will be a really bad one and that the best course of action is for me to do nothing at all and just wade it out until the day ends. So far I have survived such days by doing that and I hope to do so in the future.

Today (technically yesterday) was a very good day mainly because I got to speak again to that special “someone” again. Now that I think of it, I have been in contact for almost everyday this week which is to say something that’s to my delight no matter how brief the conversation was.

My Meepo, managed to win all of my games in DotA. The last game I had before going to work was really challenging though. Against Lion, Nevermore and Rikimaru, my Meepo is virtually outclassed in the early to mid-game phase. I should’ve gotten my Mekanism by level 7 or 8 but because of the constant pressure during the early game, I only barely manage to make it before I had 2 clones. The only mistake that my enemy made was that they did not mantain the pressure and I managed to farm enough strength items to allow my clones to survive long for me to micro them out of safety. Our opponent rage quit later on much to my satisfaction.

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Coincidences are such interesting things mainly because such encounters shows up in such an abrupt manner that it catches one completely off guard. Maybe my fascination for such incidents has a deeper root inside of me which could be a reason why I named my first blog ‘inane synchronicity’ to account for all the “interesting” coincidence that I seem to be experiencing back in the good old days of being a bumming college student. “Interesting” here is defined as experiences ranging from the comically stupid, the strangely amazing up to the downright serious.

I’ve had such experience last night just before I went to work. Of all the places and time to meet an old acquaintance, I met an old friend in the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere while waiting for eternity for a jeepney ride to work. He was a close friend back in elementary school and, even though he only remembered me by face (though I have a different hairstyle now), I still remember his name much to my surprise. Got to thank my memory for that. Anyway, it was a nostalgic drive down my memory lane as I once again bathe myself with memories from the past, back to the time when I was a noisy little elementary kid who cared less about life and cared more about play and books. It’s been almost a decade since we last met and I now have more reason to believe that one’s personality is difficult to change because the way we interacted was like we just parted yesterday. I guess one of the realities of life is that growth is an irreversible process and sometime, somewhere you’ll inveitably bump into this thing called adolescence – the life of being a full grown adult where life is more than just eating and sleeping and eating some more. He was going to visit his son and for some complicated reason, the only way to do that is during the wee hours of the morning.

We parted ways in Junction since his son’s house is a little bit further down the jeepney’s route. That encounter made me realize how different my life was when I was a kid compared to how my life is going nowadays. Back then, the world was such a carefree place – all we need to worry about is going by our studying. Now, it’s full of hassle with problems popping up from all directions. December is just around the corner but I have yet to feel the jolly Yuletide feeling – all i can feel is the frigid coldness of the office air conditioning unit that is blowing superchilled air directly onto my station.

I guess I’m just frustrated

05-05-09

Flickr? Digg? Twitter? I don’t have any.

I’m writing this entry from Windows Live Writer which to some of you might be all too familiar but for me is something really new. I got hold of this program after I read about it from one of the blogs that I frequent which I can’t seem to remember right now. Well anyway, I’m still in the process of exploring all the features of this program but so far it looks like a really handy program to use to write since the interface looks clean and really simple.

Hopefully this will help me get back my motivation to write my blog again. I have a lot of things I want to write especially with all the things happening around me but I can’t seem to get the motivation.

Warning: This post contains words and phrases that might be alien to people who doesn’t play the Warcraft custom map, Defense of the Ancients (DotA). Please read at your discretion. 

One of the greatest thing about DotA is that since it has become a competitive game, every little bit of details matter: The creep block at the start of the game; the creep denies to gain experience advantage; the last hits to gain economic advantage, the right timing in getting the rune to increase battle efficacy; juking the opponents into an ambush etc. There are just too many of them to list but all of these things matters in order to achieve victory. But when things get out of hands, this is where things get funny. 

Last night we had another fun game of DotA. Actually, funny is the appropriate word to use since the game last night probably featured the most number of memorable moves contained in just one game of DotA. 

Personally knowing the people that you are playing with is one of the things that is difficult to achieve with online games. If you know personally those people, you’ll know their strengths and weaknesses and you can either take advantage of it or put you at a disadvantage if you are not careful.

I have a friend who can be called a seasonal expert. He plays well but when it’s not his day, he does pretty entertaining things…and last night turns out to be one of those days.

Seeing as we had sufficient players, we decided to proceed with a full house LAN game.  We dropped the usual -apsp mode and just go on manually balancing the teams because it would be difficult to achieve balance due to how varied the skills of the people playing are. After the teams were finalized, I was assigned to the Scourge team. My teammates chose Naga Siren, Silencer, Witch Doctor, and Drow Ranger while I decided on Bradwarden, The Centaur Warchief, because of our team’s lack of a tank. The Sentinels chose Priestess of the Moon, Treant Protector, Lightning Revenant, Dwarven Sniper and, to much of his teams dismay, yuu chose Akasha, the Queen of Pain. The reason for his teams dismay is that he has never won a game using QoP and in all the games that he has used QoP, to put it simply, it was epic fail. 

The game opening was standard. I opted for the Dagger build to initiate the clash as well as for chasing purpose since the enemy has two blinkers. It was during mid-game when it got entertaining. 

The first major blooper was when top lane was being pushed by Mirana with me as the lone defender. The first tower was down and I was defending the second tower. I am aware that I will be ganked anytime soon but I stood my ground; I have confidence on my Dagger of Escape. As I was about to retreat to the safety of my tower after the Scourge creep wave has been quickly taken care of thanks to Mirana’s Starfall, I saw movement from near the bottom part of our second tower. It was Akasha running right straight to me as if the second tower doesn’t exist! I thought that it was an illusion but to my and everyone’s surprise, Akasha blinked, blinked right beside my hero and Shadow Striked my hero, a Centaur Warchief! I quickly press the “t” key to cast Stomp. It was a long 2.75 seconds. Mixed reactions resounded from the shop during that time period as my hero, with the help of the second Scourge tower, hacked the stupefied Akasha.

Alas, this is actually a long due post and because of the length of time, I forgot what happened next. 

Original draft date: December 3, 2008.

I was flat back on my bed on this quiet Sunday when my view accidentally wandered off to the right of my bed towards the open window of my room. Looking outside, a scenery draws me to that opening. It was a picture. A picture of a clear blue canopy stretching infinitely above me broken by feathery wisps that is moving slowly across the azure drapery.

I closed my eyes for a moment.

“So this kind of view…this feeling of relaxation still exist eh?” I silently told myself.

I sighed.

I began to wonder what if I can just lay down here all day of my life and just look at the clear blue sky. What if time can just stop at that moment for all eternity. What if I can just live a life like that, a simple life free of the complication, complications brought about by this thing called “reality.”

Our pet poodle barked, breaking the silence of the tranquil afternoon bringing me back to reality.

It’s November already, time really flies fast, but even if I get blown away by the passage of time, I will probably not forget about the past month of October. A lot of things happened during the past month and by “a LOT”, I really mean a lot. It’s significance stretches out to further my development as human being.

I am now thinking of moving out of our house. I’m a very patient person but I am reaching my limits. There are indeed things that can only be solved by you not involving yourselves at solving the problem because you’ll just realize that what you are doing is just a nuisance. I have yet to fully disclose my situation to my friends with exception of one person. That’s how I am, I like to keep my problems to myself to avoid unnecessary worrying by others.

New life at my new job. I manage to land a job as a Customer Service Representative for a call center a few kilometers away from my previous work. Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise because I am part of wave 2 of the agents for the account that I am in right now which means more opportunities for promotions. I’ll just have to see. With regards to my new officemates, I’m not quite sure. They seem to be fun people to be with but they exhibit the sex-crazed idiot syndrome. *face palms* “Geez.”

There’s also that incident a few post down but I try not to think about it. I don’t want to cause any trouble to anyone especially to her. I’ll just patiently wait, like what I always do, and see how things will turn out.

 This is the second time I am posting from the office and I’m posting this while I am waiting for my turn to do a call simulation which is a requirement for our training on my new job. One of the things that I like with my new job is that the computers here has access to the internet unlike the workstations from my previous employer where we had to perform some “tricks” to go around the system in order to access the net. No more proxies, just straight to the website that you want to access. 

Earlier today, we listened to recordings of agents who are already on the floor and I can say that it’s a relatively easy job as compared to my previous job where we almost all of the time burn our brains out answering mind boggling questions like “How do I restart my computer?” or “How do I turn off my modem?” On my current job, all we have to do is to take in orders from customer who has a catalog for reference. I think the only problem that I foresee with my new job is that the average handling time for it is around 4 minutes which equates to about 70 calls a day compared to an average of 25 from my previous job and repeating the same task over 70 times a day can be toxic.

Anyway, it’s almost my turn so I need to cut this entry short.

“It’s better to regret something you did than to regret something that you didn’t do.”

 Last night, I finally mustered the courage to read the myriad of text messages that has become stagnant on my cellphone and that is only after 3 days of being freaked out whenever my cellphone vibrates to inform me that either someone is calling me or someone has sent me a message.  Initially I thought that after I said what I needed to say last Sunday, I was prepared fo the consequences of my action but it turns out that it was more nerve wracking than what I thought it would be to a point that I was tormented every time my room resounded with the buzzing sound of that accursed device.

It’s Thursday already. 

I was indeed afraid, really afraid, one can call it phobia I guess -an irrational fear of being rejected. I guess the feeling is amplified further since I have been alienated from this feeling no thanks to how my personality has evolved for the past year or so. Even though I said to myself that I was prepared for it making use of apathy as a buffer, still, for the past 2 days I was not able to find the courage to input the password on my cellphone’s ‘Messages’ menu so that I can read the Inbox of my cellphone. There lies an uncertainity within myself, a clash of thoughts as if the fight or flight mechanism of my body will be unable to resolve the resulting confusion if the response that I receive is wayward from what I am expecting it to be.

I finally entered the password. With each press of a key, a voice seems to echo from the silent corner of my unlit room telling me to not to press the next key but the voice faded fainter and fainter until it became silent when I reach the final ‘Ok’ to confirm my password.

And then there it was, buried amongst the heap of text messages and missed calls, one message that caught my attention.

I read it…I smiled a little and an array of mixed feelings showered me shortly.

I will not disclose the content of the message for obvious reasons but the small talks that both of us had last Sunday gave me a glimpse of what I should expect and thankfully it was beyond what I expect it to be. I am happy. I am quite aware of the situation that I had myself into so I can say that I fully understand both of our situation. 

The only thing I need to do is to remain steadfast and be firm. “Selfishness will result to nothing,” that’s one of the motto that I have in life. 

I guess that’s it for this post and, damn, I never imagine I can write something like this >___< Anyway, what’s done is done! It’s a beautiful world…

 I’m going off to work tonight without knowing whether I’ll still do the same routine next week. This week will be my 6th month (90th day to be exact) working as a Technical Support Representative for a call center a few kilometer aways from home, my first full-time job, and this is also the week when I’ll know if I’ll be regularized (i.e. continue to work for the company) or not (i.e. go look for another job). It’s not just me who is having this dilemma but a few of my wavemates as well. My wavemates by the way are fun people who I have met last April of this year and might have include one person who might have peeked my interest without me realizing it (thanks to my apathetic personality who has already forgotten those feelings).

Well anyways, going back to what I was saying, this week will be very significant indeed and, funny enough, I don’t feel anxious at all. True, I was anxious to a point of being nerve-wracked for a few days, two weeks ago when our team leader is “supposedly” going to announce who will be in and who will be out via a one-on-one talk but it turns out, that was not definite at all. The anxiety dissipated to a we-don’t-care-anymore attitude especially for us who didn’ get a chance to have a one-on-one talk with our team leader before the papers where sent to our HR department. That’s that!

I guess this is just how I am, a happy-go-lucky person who doesn’t give a heck about what is going on. This is one of the rare traits that I don’t hate myself about because, thanks to this trait, no matter how bad and dire the situation is, the pain from all of it is drastically reduced.

I guess this is really what they call apathy. 

 

I just realized something about myself – I am a half-hearted person.

A midnight walk can sometimes be a good thing. The calmness of the night and the serenity of the moon enables one to think clearly and make sudden realizations just like the one I had above. For the longest time I have been bothered as to why even though I know where I am going I always end up landing on the starting point and that’s when I realize that everything I do is half-hearted. I cannot remember a time that I really did commit myself to anything and I never seem to be able to do so. I set a lot of goals for myself but I quit halfway through. 

I hate it. 

What the ef?! *punches myself to see if I am still asleep*

What the F?!
What the F?!

 I woke up this afternoon to find my Smart Bro(ke) connection broken but instead of gritting my teeth in frustration like I usually do when the freaking thing is not working the way I want it to be, this time around I was left pinching myself dumbfounded as to why the heck it’s going too fast to a point that I have to question if myself if I am awake or just stuck in a mid-afternoon dream.

 Actually what I said above is an understatement – It’s FREAKIN’ EXPONENTIALLY faster than before. I mean, how the heck can a 312kbps connection jump from a measly 40kbps top download speed to something that just won’t leave the 100kbps mark? It can’t happen. It’s just not possible unless of course they somehow increased the speed that they are provisioning me thereby increasing the top download speed leaving me with the question: “So it really can go to those speeds eh?”

 This is not the first time that this has happened. I had been enjoying “true” streaming videos for several weeks now using Smart Bro and not Smart Bro(ke). Before I had this funny connection, I needed to give YouTube™ a bit of a head start before I can watch anything continously but this time I just click a link and play. Funny enough, all these miraculous things started to happen when I decided to not pay my Smart Bro service and just wait for my service to get disconnected because I recently signed a contract with Globe Broadband and it would not make sense logically and economically to have 2 internet service provider at the same time. I was thinking this is some sort of strategy to entice me not to cancel the service and just stick to them. 

 In any case, whatever the reason for this strange occurance might be I’ll just leave it as it is and will not bother myself in thinking too deeply about it as there are more pressing matters at hand that I have to think of like for example whether I’ll still have a job after this week or not. I’ll just take advantage of this incident by downloading all the stuff that I want to download before my connection runs out of nitro and reverts back to running on ordinary gas.

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