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05-05-09

Flickr? Digg? Twitter? I don’t have any.

I’m writing this entry from Windows Live Writer which to some of you might be all too familiar but for me is something really new. I got hold of this program after I read about it from one of the blogs that I frequent which I can’t seem to remember right now. Well anyway, I’m still in the process of exploring all the features of this program but so far it looks like a really handy program to use to write since the interface looks clean and really simple.

Hopefully this will help me get back my motivation to write my blog again. I have a lot of things I want to write especially with all the things happening around me but I can’t seem to get the motivation.

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I was flat back on my bed on this quiet Sunday when my view accidentally wandered off to the right of my bed towards the open window of my room. Looking outside, a scenery draws me to that opening. It was a picture. A picture of a clear blue canopy stretching infinitely above me broken by feathery wisps that is moving slowly across the azure drapery.

I closed my eyes for a moment.

“So this kind of view…this feeling of relaxation still exist eh?” I silently told myself.

I sighed.

I began to wonder what if I can just lay down here all day of my life and just look at the clear blue sky. What if time can just stop at that moment for all eternity. What if I can just live a life like that, a simple life free of the complication, complications brought about by this thing called “reality.”

Our pet poodle barked, breaking the silence of the tranquil afternoon bringing me back to reality.

It’s November already, time really flies fast, but even if I get blown away by the passage of time, I will probably not forget about the past month of October. A lot of things happened during the past month and by “a LOT”, I really mean a lot. It’s significance stretches out to further my development as human being.

I am now thinking of moving out of our house. I’m a very patient person but I am reaching my limits. There are indeed things that can only be solved by you not involving yourselves at solving the problem because you’ll just realize that what you are doing is just a nuisance. I have yet to fully disclose my situation to my friends with exception of one person. That’s how I am, I like to keep my problems to myself to avoid unnecessary worrying by others.

New life at my new job. I manage to land a job as a Customer Service Representative for a call center a few kilometers away from my previous work. Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise because I am part of wave 2 of the agents for the account that I am in right now which means more opportunities for promotions. I’ll just have to see. With regards to my new officemates, I’m not quite sure. They seem to be fun people to be with but they exhibit the sex-crazed idiot syndrome. *face palms* “Geez.”

There’s also that incident a few post down but I try not to think about it. I don’t want to cause any trouble to anyone especially to her. I’ll just patiently wait, like what I always do, and see how things will turn out.

 This is the second time I am posting from the office and I’m posting this while I am waiting for my turn to do a call simulation which is a requirement for our training on my new job. One of the things that I like with my new job is that the computers here has access to the internet unlike the workstations from my previous employer where we had to perform some “tricks” to go around the system in order to access the net. No more proxies, just straight to the website that you want to access. 

Earlier today, we listened to recordings of agents who are already on the floor and I can say that it’s a relatively easy job as compared to my previous job where we almost all of the time burn our brains out answering mind boggling questions like “How do I restart my computer?” or “How do I turn off my modem?” On my current job, all we have to do is to take in orders from customer who has a catalog for reference. I think the only problem that I foresee with my new job is that the average handling time for it is around 4 minutes which equates to about 70 calls a day compared to an average of 25 from my previous job and repeating the same task over 70 times a day can be toxic.

Anyway, it’s almost my turn so I need to cut this entry short.

“It’s better to regret something you did than to regret something that you didn’t do.”

 Last night, I finally mustered the courage to read the myriad of text messages that has become stagnant on my cellphone and that is only after 3 days of being freaked out whenever my cellphone vibrates to inform me that either someone is calling me or someone has sent me a message.  Initially I thought that after I said what I needed to say last Sunday, I was prepared fo the consequences of my action but it turns out that it was more nerve wracking than what I thought it would be to a point that I was tormented every time my room resounded with the buzzing sound of that accursed device.

It’s Thursday already. 

I was indeed afraid, really afraid, one can call it phobia I guess -an irrational fear of being rejected. I guess the feeling is amplified further since I have been alienated from this feeling no thanks to how my personality has evolved for the past year or so. Even though I said to myself that I was prepared for it making use of apathy as a buffer, still, for the past 2 days I was not able to find the courage to input the password on my cellphone’s ‘Messages’ menu so that I can read the Inbox of my cellphone. There lies an uncertainity within myself, a clash of thoughts as if the fight or flight mechanism of my body will be unable to resolve the resulting confusion if the response that I receive is wayward from what I am expecting it to be.

I finally entered the password. With each press of a key, a voice seems to echo from the silent corner of my unlit room telling me to not to press the next key but the voice faded fainter and fainter until it became silent when I reach the final ‘Ok’ to confirm my password.

And then there it was, buried amongst the heap of text messages and missed calls, one message that caught my attention.

I read it…I smiled a little and an array of mixed feelings showered me shortly.

I will not disclose the content of the message for obvious reasons but the small talks that both of us had last Sunday gave me a glimpse of what I should expect and thankfully it was beyond what I expect it to be. I am happy. I am quite aware of the situation that I had myself into so I can say that I fully understand both of our situation. 

The only thing I need to do is to remain steadfast and be firm. “Selfishness will result to nothing,” that’s one of the motto that I have in life. 

I guess that’s it for this post and, damn, I never imagine I can write something like this >___< Anyway, what’s done is done! It’s a beautiful world…

Humanda na kayo
Kampon ng kadiliman
Oras na ng pagtutuos
Kasamaan niyo’y dapat matapos

Narito na sila
Bayaning tagapagtanggol
Sa masama’y lilipol

Maskman, kayo lang ang pag-asa
Iligitas kami sa marahas na kadiliman
Kami’y inyong ipaglaban

Sige sige laban Maskman
Ipagtanggol ang kapayapaan
Sugod sugod laban Maskman
Ipagsanggalang niyo ang katarungan

Buong mundo’y magpupuri’t magpupugay. Mabuhay!

Laser Squadron….Mas….ku…man!!!

This is the first time I’m writing a post using a computer other than the one I have at home and, damn, I wonder what I was thinking when I was writing this one. Guess this is what boredom does to a person. I am actually having a bad case of LSS with this nostalgic song from my childhood that I accidentally came across yesterday while browsing through imeem.

For those of you who doesn’t know, the song above is a translated version of the opening song for Maskman which was aired here in the Philippines in the early 90s.

 I’m going off to work tonight without knowing whether I’ll still do the same routine next week. This week will be my 6th month (90th day to be exact) working as a Technical Support Representative for a call center a few kilometer aways from home, my first full-time job, and this is also the week when I’ll know if I’ll be regularized (i.e. continue to work for the company) or not (i.e. go look for another job). It’s not just me who is having this dilemma but a few of my wavemates as well. My wavemates by the way are fun people who I have met last April of this year and might have include one person who might have peeked my interest without me realizing it (thanks to my apathetic personality who has already forgotten those feelings).

Well anyways, going back to what I was saying, this week will be very significant indeed and, funny enough, I don’t feel anxious at all. True, I was anxious to a point of being nerve-wracked for a few days, two weeks ago when our team leader is “supposedly” going to announce who will be in and who will be out via a one-on-one talk but it turns out, that was not definite at all. The anxiety dissipated to a we-don’t-care-anymore attitude especially for us who didn’ get a chance to have a one-on-one talk with our team leader before the papers where sent to our HR department. That’s that!

I guess this is just how I am, a happy-go-lucky person who doesn’t give a heck about what is going on. This is one of the rare traits that I don’t hate myself about because, thanks to this trait, no matter how bad and dire the situation is, the pain from all of it is drastically reduced.

I guess this is really what they call apathy. 

 

I just realized something about myself – I am a half-hearted person.

A midnight walk can sometimes be a good thing. The calmness of the night and the serenity of the moon enables one to think clearly and make sudden realizations just like the one I had above. For the longest time I have been bothered as to why even though I know where I am going I always end up landing on the starting point and that’s when I realize that everything I do is half-hearted. I cannot remember a time that I really did commit myself to anything and I never seem to be able to do so. I set a lot of goals for myself but I quit halfway through. 

I hate it. 

What the ef?! *punches myself to see if I am still asleep*

What the F?!
What the F?!

 I woke up this afternoon to find my Smart Bro(ke) connection broken but instead of gritting my teeth in frustration like I usually do when the freaking thing is not working the way I want it to be, this time around I was left pinching myself dumbfounded as to why the heck it’s going too fast to a point that I have to question if myself if I am awake or just stuck in a mid-afternoon dream.

 Actually what I said above is an understatement – It’s FREAKIN’ EXPONENTIALLY faster than before. I mean, how the heck can a 312kbps connection jump from a measly 40kbps top download speed to something that just won’t leave the 100kbps mark? It can’t happen. It’s just not possible unless of course they somehow increased the speed that they are provisioning me thereby increasing the top download speed leaving me with the question: “So it really can go to those speeds eh?”

 This is not the first time that this has happened. I had been enjoying “true” streaming videos for several weeks now using Smart Bro and not Smart Bro(ke). Before I had this funny connection, I needed to give YouTube™ a bit of a head start before I can watch anything continously but this time I just click a link and play. Funny enough, all these miraculous things started to happen when I decided to not pay my Smart Bro service and just wait for my service to get disconnected because I recently signed a contract with Globe Broadband and it would not make sense logically and economically to have 2 internet service provider at the same time. I was thinking this is some sort of strategy to entice me not to cancel the service and just stick to them. 

 In any case, whatever the reason for this strange occurance might be I’ll just leave it as it is and will not bother myself in thinking too deeply about it as there are more pressing matters at hand that I have to think of like for example whether I’ll still have a job after this week or not. I’ll just take advantage of this incident by downloading all the stuff that I want to download before my connection runs out of nitro and reverts back to running on ordinary gas.

I missed this view
I missed this view.

Curiosity really kills the cat.

Well yeah, so yesterday I visited my old high school which I had never visited for ages now. I only visited it yesterday because of a mysterious e-mail sent to the alumni asking us to gather this Sunday for some vague prupose – and I only learned of this gathering a day before when my friend Vic asked me if I have received the e-mail which I have not because, heck, why would I give my school my e-mail address anyway. So being the bored and curious person that I am, I heed the call since I have nothing to do anyway but it turned out into a WTH?!-what-am-I-doing-here affair of some sort.

Here is the e-mail by the way and my comments are italicized.

WHAT: General Assembly DEKADA Event Read the rest of this entry »

Maybe because I only had 3 hours of sleep yesterday that is why I was feeling really horrible last night while playing DotA even though it was just 11. Usually, I go on to play until 3 in the morning during my day off but i was feeling extremely drowsy, my headache was terrible and I feel nauseated that I had to call it quits at the stroke of midnight. When I got home, I only bothered to check my downloads and then got immediately to sleep.  I think I really did lack sleep since I woke up this morning refreshed as if the ordeal last night did not happened.

Anyway, going about my daily routine which includes checking the anime blogosphere, I stumbled about these wonderful AMVs from Mainichi Anime Yume some of which really got to my sentimental side.

Beautiful Day by Funky-kun

World’s Unbroken by Sierra Lorna & silver moon


You know you have watched a lot anime series if you can tell the references for the first video. Like the author of the blog where I got these videos, I believe even non-anime viewer can appreciate the first video since it was superbly composed befitting of U2’s Beautiful Day. I think the effect is amplified further when you know the references because if you know which anime series the clips where taken from, you most probably know the stories behind those series; And most of the anime series used on the first video are probably the most touching series out there (AIR, ef ~ a Tale of Memory/Melodies~ and Makoto Shinkai’s movies). This video made me all warm inside and made me yearn to watch those series again but the second video really made me want to cry, well ‘almost’ cry again.

AIR. The second video is about the series AIR. It doesn’t do the series justice if I where to describe it since the best way to describe how great AIR was to view all 13 episodes of it. As far as I can remember, AIR was the first series that touched my sentimental side – I had to suppress the tears while watching the series since it’s not really a pleasant sight to see a male high school student crying.

That’s it for now. Agenda for the day is RF Online – power level and PT Grinding mode.

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